Wikipedia provides descriptions of some well-known 4 Horseman…
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in the last book of the New Testament of the Bible,
The Four Horsemen professional wrestling group consisting of Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson and Tully Blanchard,
And finally…my personal favourite…
The Four Horseman by Metallica from the album Kill ‘Em All.
I’d like to add to our worldly descriptions, The 4 Horseman of Happiness:
respecting oneself; confidence
pursuit of meaning; self-improvement
mutually satisfying relationships
positive attitude and outlook on life
The EQi-2.0 assessment, assesses for happiness via a well-being indicator. Happiness is different than the other emotional intelligence skills because it contributes to your emotional intelligence AND it is a product of your emotional intelligence.
Take a look at the outside ring of the EQi-2.0 model above. See it? WELL-BEING.
Happiness can be used as a barometer of emotional health and WELL-BEING.
These 4 Horseman are the emotional intelligence skills most often associated with HAPPINESS.
Þ Happiness is a by-product of believing in yourself and living according to your own values and standards.
Þ When one experiences letdowns, the ability to recuperate a happy state is reliant on your level of hopefulness.
Þ Robust and reciprocal relationships help minimize life’s daily grind and can amplify feelings of happiness.
Þ Happiness is found in fostering an enriched life and continuously learning.
Inclusively, happiness is your ability to feel satisfied with life, enjoy yourself and others, and have fun. A low level of happiness shows up in tendencies of worry, depressive thoughts, feelings of guilt, dissatisfaction with life, uncertainty of the future, social withdrawal, and a lack of drive.
When your happiness is low, turning to these 4 emotional intelligence skills can elevate your happiness which directly impacts your overall sense of well-being. Because, happiness comes from the inside. Not from the outside. There is a truth that must be accepted…you are the curator of your happiness. Other people are not responsible to make you happy. This is your task, and your task alone. You got this!
Let’s take a look at how to do this successfully by applying a few key strategies to develop The 4 Horseman.
EXERCISES AND STRATEGIES
PART 1: Draw a chart with 5 columns labelled A-B-C-D-E.
Starting in the C column…recall a recent time when you felt unhappy or dissatisfied with life and write down the consequences of that time. When was the outcome including how you felt.
Next…in the A column, and using your self-awareness skills, identify the trigger of this event. What was the goal you were not able to achieve?
For example: I applied for a job at TD Bank and I didn’t get it.
Next…in the B column, continuing to use your self-awareness skills, identify the self-talk that was happening at this time. What thoughts were running through your head? What emotions were you experiencing?
Next…in the D column, debate and dispute the negative self-talk from column B. Where’s the proof of the negative thoughts? If you were to ask someone else their perspective, how would they challenge your negative thoughts?
Finally…in the E column, write down the effects of your debate and dispute. How does this change how you now see the event itself and your feelings about it?
PART 2: Examine the Goal
Take a look at the goal you set for yourself. Examine it using your reality testing skills. This is about being objective. If you find your emotions rising during this part of the activity…give yourself a break and come back to it when your emotions are in check.
1. Was it realistic?
2. What would your closest friends and family (those that support you and care about you) say about your abilities to achieve this goal?
3. List your strengths and weaknesses (skills you have and skills you don’t have) that achieving this goal requires. Which list outweighs the other?
4. Based on the above 3 items…was the goal realistic?
a. If yes…use your problem solving skills to write down as many different options that will enable you to achieve this goal the next time around.
b. If no…use your self-actualization skills to consider what growth needs to happen (what do you need to add to the strengths column and what do you need to do to minimize the weakness column?) AND give yourself 3 new goals to achieve that are realistic.
5. Finally, based on the 3 goals in 4b, write down the reasons to be hopeful to achieve what you have set out before you. Amplify your optimism skills that everything is going to work out! Get an accountability crew! Tell your friends and family your goals. Ask for their support and accountability. Let them know how they can support you!
6. Get to work. Every day take the time to reflect on what you are doing that day to move yourself toward your goal(s). Keeping a journal is a great way to stick to daily reflection and planning. When your goal is achieved…make sure to let your friends and family supports know – then CELEBRATE!
PART 3: Have some Fun.
Build fun into your day, week, month.
This may require planning ahead of time. If you aren’t currently doing what you love on a regular basis, set aside time to plan to do so. What you plan doesn’t have to be HUGE. It certainly can be, it just doesn’t have to be.
Build yourself a calendar of events for the next 30 days.
- Make sure that EVERY day you have a simple fun activity/event
- Give yourself an activity with someone else every week
- Plan for a big activity with multiple people once this month
- Decide on something NEW to do
Here is a list of fun things to consider:
v Daily phone call to a BFF, sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, mom, dad
v Joke of the day that you learn and then tell others at work
v Coffee break with co-workers, family member, friend
v Partner workout, walk
v Join a recreational sports team that gets together weekly
v Movie night with a friend
v Dinner date with your significant other
v Weekend getaway
v Board game night
v Pot luck brunch, lunch, dinner, BBQ
Everything is awesome does not need to be your life’s mantra to experience happiness and well-being. A sprinkle here, a sprinkle there, can make a big difference in your emotional and social functioning. Utilizing The 4 Horseman of Self-Regard, Optimism, Interpersonal Relationships, and Self-Actualization will have you well on your way to balancing your emotions and flourishing in life.